He’ll never know 

This is the post excerpt.


‘Sometimes I regret being nice and for making unworthy people a priority in my life.’ That’s what his status says. I have only just decided to let go of him  and damn is it difficult. I was holding on to something that was never mine. I don’t know why I developed a crush on him. What was worse is that I realized about it only months after I didn’t have him in my life in the same way as before. I started liking him only when I realized that I miss being with him. Being demisexual is hard. One doesn’t  fall easily. It’s not like others haven’t come into my life. I rejected because I fell for him and actually wanted to be with him. He was the only one I liked that much. Psychology says that if a crush lasts over four months, it’s already love. Well then I’ve been in love with him for nearly three years that way. Moving on is difficult for me. And I know he doesn’t fall easily. Hell I’ve often thought he was  asexual. I had decided to go to the new year completely throwing thoughts of him behind. They didn’t number many anyway. But I treasure memories. I treasure people more than anything else. And maybe that’s why looking at his status I still feel sad because someone upset him. I still wish that he would give me a chance to prove that I’m worth it. I still want to make him a priority. I still have that crush on him. But I can’t even get myself to tell him. And why would I? He would never reciprocate it. He sister zoned me a long time ago. I should have replied with something like ‘Don’t look at me as a sister, I have a serious crush on you.’ 15 months ago. Maybe things would have been different. At least he would have straight up rejected me and I would have moved on. For now I’m stuck in thoughts about what can’t be. 

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